What is Love?
By explaining the Tibetan term CHAM-TSE, Rinpoche gave a beautiful explanation about the meaning of love.
In Tibetan language the term CHAM-TSE combines both ‘love’ and ‘caring’ in one word.
Champa is love, which is defined as the wish for others to be happy.
Tsewa can be translated as kindness, loving kindness, to care for.
Then he explained: based on love, caring immediately arises. With the wish for someone to be happy, we care for the other person.
Based on love, caring arises, then trust arises. When there’s trust, then understanding and patience arises, then finally we feel joy. So true love brings joy.
Where do we normally get it wrong? When one only thinks about oneself. When ‘love’ is based on a selfish desire for only oneself to be happy. Then, it’s over.
Without love, there’s no caring. Without caring there’s no trust. Without trust, there’s no understanding, and there’s no patience, then we only experience trouble and unhappiness.
Love > Caring > Trust > Understanding > Patience > Joy
“If there is no joy in love, it is not true love. If you are suffering all the time, if you cry all the time, and if you make the person you love cry, this is not really love—it is even the opposite. If there is no joy in your love, you can be sure that it is not true love.”
Thich Hahn Nhan, Vietnamese Buddhist monk and author
In ancient India, King Pasenadi asked the Buddha “how can one love without desire and attachment?”
The Buddha replied, “We need to look at the nature of our love. Our love should bring peace and happiness to the ones we love. If our love is based on a selfish desire to possess others, we will not be able to bring them peace and happiness. On the contrary, our love will make them feel trapped. Such a love is no more than a prison. If the persons we love are unable to be happy because of our love, they will find a way to free themselves.”
“Love is understanding. If you cannot understand, you cannot love. Husbands and wives who do not understand each other cannot love each other. Brothers and sisters who do not understand each other cannot love each other. Parents and children who do not understand each other cannot love each other.
If you want your loved ones to be happy, you must learn to understand their sufferings and their aspirations. When you understand, you will know how to relieve their sufferings and how to help them fulfill their aspirations. That is true love. If you only want your loved ones to follow your own ideas and you remain ignorant of their needs, it is not truly love. It is only a desire to possess another and attempt to fulfill your own needs, which cannot be fulfilled in that way.”
― Thích Nhất Hạnh, in Old Path White Clouds: Walking in the Footsteps of the Buddha.
